What Toys "R" Not:
All I Wanted was a Simple Wooden Airplane
As I walked along the endless aisles of the Big Box toy store, I quickly became aware of two things. (1) There were very few airplanes to be found, and (2) each and every "toy" was not a "toy" at all, but some sort of branded promotional item for a movie, TV show, boy band, or any number of hot fads fabricated out of some marketing department to sell stuff to brainwashed little people. Yes, there was "baby's first" everything, most of it made by a large company a guy named Walt founded way back when his "Land" was known for a Matterhorn ride instead of 1,001 "toys" branded with their logo.
There was the two-foot-tall remote control dinosaur, which reared up on its hind legs and roared so loud, a child might actually injure him/herself as they escaped sure death in the jaws of this Chinese beast with glow-in-the-dark eyeballs. Gee, I wonder what fun materials were used to get that dramatic effect. Hope it wasn't spent nuclear waste painted neon green. Then there was everything Barbie, all boxed in hot pink packaging and all wearing very little doll clothing. I am not a prude, but is a crop top, hot pants, Go-Go boots and big boobs the look you want your little girl to strive for? Then there was the Fairy Princess lounge pillow, with gold lame' ribbing and a sorry excuse for a decal on the back showing three unidentified princess-type ladies...one of them might have been Snow White, not sure, no Dwarfs would be caught dead anywhere near this "toy" trainwreck.