Saturday, August 04, 2012
Just when I thought #AVWORDS had died, AOPA comes to its rescue and saves the day!
The traffic on the #AVWORDS stream was about stopped when AOPA picked up the story for their Friday eBrief. Well we all know what happens when AOPA picks up a story...it goes viral quickly!
It did not take long for traffic to again pick up, and by Saturday night, I started losing the ability to keep up with it. A guy can only copy/paste so fast. So what follows is a collection of some of my favorites, gleaned from this stream:
ARTIFICIAL CHORIZON: Fake Spanish sausage served at low-budget pancake breakfast.
PIDDLE MARKER: Sign indicating direction to the nearest restroom at the airport.
MIDDLE PARKER: pilot who takes up two spaces on the ramp.
DRAG WARE: clothing for a trans-gendered pilot.
CRAB DANGLE: the art of dangling unruly pax out the door during flight.
NI BOARD: essential flight accessory for Monty Python fans.
SLYHAWK: Stealth Cessna.
OSHMOSH: Crowd in front of the stage @ Mon concert.
RUNPAY: what you get when you have landing fees.
OSHGOSH: Exclamation of wonder from 1st time Airventure attendee.
SQUAT STITCH: An extra stitch in extra large aviator pants. Designed for redundancy during fuel sump checks on low-wing aircraft.
TURBO CROP: Special variety of corn used to make the "organic" jet fuel sold by Whole Foods.
BARMAC: What you trip and face-plant into after having one too many at the airport bar.
CELCAL: What you shouldn't do while at the controls.
G-BAND: Risque undergarment worn by pilots. Wider than the g-string (for obvious reasons).
VINDICATED AIRSPEED: When your wife yells at you to slow down and you point to the GPS to prove you weren't over VMO.
SLAPERON: How sloppy AMEs install aircraft parts.
HAIRSPEED INDICATOR: Clip devices attached to hair of open-cockpit flyers and wing-walkers. See also: VFE: Follicle Extraction speed.
ACCELERATED STALE: What your bread goes when you leave its bag and the hangar door open.
HERDS UP DISPLAY: Cockpit display that gives bush pilots better situational awareness when landing during Caribou migration season.
NONCORDE: A supersonic passenger airplane that no longer exists.
PUCE GOOSE: A giant wooden seaplane painted a Gawd-awful pink color that resembles hex color CC8899.
"RED" BARON MANFRED VON PRICHTHOFEN: A German flying ace that had a way of being a complete prick in World War 1.
LESSERSCHMITT BF 109: A German fighter that didn't stand a chance against a P-51 Mustang.
FERNOULLI EFFECT: The art of giving the ratty FBO on your home field a much needed makeover.
HERSHING MISSLE: A deadly weapon of mass destruction that can deliver massive amounts of dark chocolate right to a cave door.
SPOILET: A device to slow a pilot down as he races across the ramp on his way to the FBO bathroom.
DUDDER: A control surface that is too small to adequately provide proper effectiveness.
WOCKPIT: What it sounds like when Elmer Fudd describes a ROCKPIT.
ROCKPIT: A flight deck with Captain Fred Flintstone and FO Barney Rubble.
LOCKPIT: The flight deck of an airliner after the FA shuts and locked the cockpit door.
HOCKPIT: What you call your flight deck when you had to use a second mortgage to buy a new panel.
MOCKPIT: A flight deck with all in-op instruments and controls.
BLING SPAR: The main support structure of an airplane's wings that has been encrusted with diamonds and gold.
LEADSET: A device over a pilot's head for listening to ATC communications that is very heavy and uncomfortable.
BLT: An emergency locator radio that emits the smell of bacon so searchers can find you while looking for breakfast.
LACHOMETER: An instrument that tells you when your crappy engine is putting out less-that-optimal RPMs.
FINDSHEAR: A stoopid pilot who actually goes out LOOKING for dangerous gusty winds found near the runway in final.
OXYGIN: A gas infused with Tanqueray that is breathed by pilots flying at high altitudes in non-pressurized airplanes.
BALKAROUND: When a pilot simply refuses to do a ground inspection of the airplane prior to flight.
RETAR: An automated transmission that alerts pilots of a runway re-construction project at their destination airport.
TITOT COVER: A very small piece of fabric designed to cover the top of a woman's body at the beach.
FIGHTER PET: A Chihuahua that a Top Gun always takes along when shooting bogeys in his F-18.
LEFTHANSA: An airline based in Germany that only serves Democrats.
JOYSTUCK: When the control stick in your Piper Cub gets jammed in the aft position.
BUCKCOURSE APPROACH: What rednecks fly inbound when drinking beer and hunting deer in their Cessna.
TURD RUNWAY: A "grass" strip used by small taildraggers that is next to a toxic sewer farm.
RUTAN DARIEZE: An experimental canard airplane powered by 2% Low Fat milk.
SPACECHIPONE: A new vehicle designed for commercial space travel made out of and looking just like a Dorito.
AMELIA BARHART: An aviatrix explorer who got drunk on Coconut Daiquiris in a Howland Island dive bar and fell into the sea.
MIDDLE BARKER: A gypsy carnival salesman who stands under an ILS approach and yells at you when you fly over.
PIPER TRI-RACER: A PA-22 turboprop with a Pratt & Whitney PT6 engine.
AVIS: An automated radio transmission telling you if your rental car is ready at the counter.
FONTINENTAL ENGINE: An airplane powerplant that comes in regular, bold and italic versions.
TIEDAWN: a parking spot available only till sunrise.
HELIBAD: an inconsiderate helicopter pilot that turns airplanes over with rotor blast.
SPITDIRE: a poor-men piston engine fighter from WWII.
AFTERTURNER: a fighter pilot known for poor navigational skills.
LOW BASS: a method for fishing from an airplane without landing.
WETHER RADAR: onboard system to help insecure pilots make a choice.
FUEL GLOW: the effect on your tanks after filling them with Chernobyl’s avgas.
USER PEES: why pilots would do on a government request for more taxes.
SIDESTOP: skidding sideway on the runway after a bad crosswind landing.
GROSSWIND: air blowing across the runway from a sewage treatment area.
CARB BEAT: the sound made by an iced over engine.
FAKEOFFRUN: rolling on the runway at full throttle, only to hide behind a hangar.
READSTICK LANDING: a textbook arrival
FAILPLANE: you already knew that airplane wasn’t safe, why have you flown it?
FRY BY: a nice Diner really close to the runway.
NORA! NORA! NORA! shouted by a Japaneze kamikaze that sat through Ibsen's Doll's House one too many times (sorry....)
WINE SPAN: the dimensions of the spill when your $12 thimble of Cabernet hits the floor after encountering turbulence.
TOUCH AND NO: sexual harassment training for aviators.
SEATBOLT - the part that causes discomfort to your posterior when squeezed into a too-small seat on a commercial flight.
ABIOPHOBIA - fear of flab around the middle caused by eating too many $100 hamburgers.
ROTATING BACON: What you get flying acro after a big breakfast.
OFF-AIRPORT LENDING: When the FBO gives you a crew car to find a Wendy's downtown.
GROSSFEED: a disgusting way to make your engines run.
AVIANICS - The parts of your plane that are Tango Uniform after a birdstrike.
TRUST REVERSER: Slows the plane down because neither pilot trusts the other!
GOLD SHORT: Customs check at many South African airports designed to prevent smuggling.
NOTAB: Advance warning to pilots that bars in nearby areas are strictly cash only, thanks to others not paying bills on time.
So I guess this thing has some life in it. If you want to join the fun, change one letter of a known aviation word, write a funny new description and post on Twitter using hashtag #AVWORDS.